Tom, what’s the deal?
You seem like a fella I could connect with. You appear to like fine cigars, nice hats, and extreme horror. I reckon we can be upfront and honest with each other. So, fire-up your favorite stogie and lets have a chat.
The Human Centipede movies are great, ground-breaking horror. Sick body horror on a level rarely—if ever—seen on film. Personally, the second one is my favorite. Laurence Harvey’s performance pushes it to new heights. And that scene with the baby . . . Jesus!
But The Onania Club, this looks like something wholly different, a new kind of depravity, something that pushes the boundaries and then smashes through them. When I first saw the preview—what, three years ago now?—I thought it looked like a shockingly disturbing blend of horror and eroticism, two genres I’m very familiar with. I couldn’t wait to see it. Still can’t.
So, Tom, what is the hold-up? Why are myself and all your other fucked-up fans doomed to wait years to see what very well may be your masterpiece? There have been rumors that no streaming service is willing to take it. I find this hard to believe, but I’ll address them on the issue in a moment. Someone—no matter how fucked up it is—would take it on. I’m certain of this.
I think it’s more likely you’re holding out for a deal you think is worthy of your film. I get it. As an author who often feels he is underpaid, I know exactly how it is to pour your guts into a project only to have pocket change thrown back at you in exchange.
But let’s make something happen. If The Onania Club is as great as the trailer suggests, it’s going to do unbelievably well on whatever streaming service it lands on. They may not believe it, but I do. Cut a deal and prove them wrong, Tom. Make an incentive-based deal, where if it garners a certain level of success, you get a nice payday.
I don’t know how movie deals work . . . but you can come to an agreement. You might just have to give a little. You deserve to have your film seen, and your fans deserve to see it. So make something happen.
Streaming Services, what the fuck is your problem?
I’m looking at you, Shudder. How have you, of all streaming services, not snatched this up? I haven’t had the pleasure of viewing The Onania Club yet, but surely it isn’t too fucked up for you. With the list of depraved films on your platform, y’all are the most logical destination. Do you really want someone else to snatch it from you?
Screambox, this is your chance. If Shudder isn’t willing to cut a deal, this is the kind of movie, I’m sure, that could make you a serious competitor. So . . .
Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, HBO, (fuck it) Disney, Tom Six might be a little much for your platforms, I admit. But how about showing the world you have steel balls. Take a chance on it and to hell with the critics. Hulu, you just did Hellraiser, which is great. You’ve shown that you’re not afraid of graphic horror. Now take the next step. Netflix, you put Cuties out there, for crying out loud. So don’t act like you’re opposed to controversial, fucked up content.
Whichever one of you are even considering The Onania Club, give Tom some money. Take a chance on it. I have a feeling the film will be a hit. Sure, it'll be controversial. Y’all can handle it.
But what do I know, really? Nothing. I just want to see the damn movie! I’m pleading at this point. Someone make a deal!
With love,
PC3
Check out the description and trailer of The Onania Club on IMDB.