Oh boy. Some movies you can tell were just made for the fun of it, for the love of cheesy, schlocky horror and…large women taking showers…
I’d not seen the previous four films in the Things franchise, but after a quick review of the trailer, I decided it probably wasn’t necessary to consume them in order, if at all. I was correct in my assumption. Seeing as there is no plot—I would wager a fair amount that there wasn’t even a script—there is absolutely no reason to think it’s connected to other movies. But who knows.
What little plot there is revolves around a scientist who has somehow mutated into a lizard creature. There are other creatures too, like an ape-looking creature and a bug creature. I’m not sure their involvement with the scientist; it’s never explained. The costumes used for the creatures are very obviously rubber masks and gloves. It’s super low budget. If you thought Troma was low budget, no. This Skullface Astronaut production, directed by Joe Sherlock, is low budget, my friends. Like, “I found some change in the couch cushions so let’s make a movie,” low budget. I guarantee taking my family out to eat Taco Bell costs almost as much as Things 5 did to make.
And that’s okay. I’m telling you, these folks made this movie knowing there was no money in it; it’s pure love. Love, in truth, for chunky chicks in the shower.
There are five–yes, five!–shower scenes involving five different plus-sized women. Then there is an extended photo shoot with two more big girls. I think it’s safe to say Joe Sherlock is a fan a pudgy pretties. If that’s your thing too, then Things 5 should be a decent watch. Just don’t expect a great horror movie from it. It’s bad, but not an altogether boring watch. The silliness of it keeps you going.
Look at that lizard guy pic! Did someone steal that costume from the Dollar General the day before Halloween???
PC3’s Horror and Exploitation Movie Scale of Awesomeness!
Gore - 4
Special Effects - 1
Nudity/Sexuality - 8
Wow Factor - 0
Acting - 2
Fear Factor - 0
Story/Plot/Originality - 2
Cinematography/Atmosphere - 2
Sound/Music - 1
Fun Factor - 5
I’m actually shocked Things 5 earned a 25 PHEMSA. ‘Earned’ is probably not the best term. If you want to see large ladies in the shower, you can find this movie on Tubi.