Well, um, I got through all sixty minutes of The Naked Witch.
At about the thirty-eight minute mark, I was convinced I would be beginning this review by stating I’d now witnessed the worst film ever made. But the five or six-minute scene of the witch skinny dipping saved it from being a total wash. Still, it was pretty damn bad.
The Naked Witch is about a college guy who goes to an old German village in rural Texas to see a music festival and work on his thesis about . . . I don’t know, German stuff. Only, no part of the music festival is ever shown, so I have no idea why that was part of the so-called plot. The guy—who is never given a name throughout the film, and is only referred to as The Student in the credits—reads a book about local witch folklore and then decides to go dig up the witch’s grave and take the stake out of her corpse, which is never a good idea. Subsequently, the witch awakens and kills some folks.
It’s bad. The picture quality is incredibly grainy, even for the early 60s. The audio is terrible, which is probably why the majority of the film has voice over narration, rather than dialogue. The four kill scenes are lazy, cutting away from showing anything. Even the nude scenes aren’t that good—all blurry and shot at weird angles. It’s just a bad movie all the way around.
I would not be shocked at all if this was a student film. Probably it was shot on someone’s home camcorder and they just got folks they knew to be the stars. This is the only film credit for director Claude Alexander, so who knows.
PC3’s Horror and Exploitation Movie Scale of Awesomeness!
Gore - 1
Special Effects - 1
Nudity/Sexuality - 5
Wow Factor - 2 (it gets two points for Wow just because it’s so bad)
Acting - 2
Fear Factor - 0
Story/Plot/Originality - 1
Cinematography - 2
Sound/Music - 1 (it actually has sound, so I guess it gets a point)
Fun Factor - 3
The Naked Witch gets an 18 on the PHEMSA. Is that a new low? I watched it so you don’t have to. Read a book instead:
