So there’s another Evil Dead movie coming out, huh? I can barely contain my excitement. *heavy sarcasm*
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll watch it. Maybe not immediately, but I’ll give it my time, just like I did the latest Hellraiser reboot and one Halloween film after another and that stupid waste-of-time Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Maybe I’ll even enjoy Evil Dead Rise; Hellraiser wasn’t too bad.
Just for kicks, here’s a list of how many movies are in some of these franchises:
Friday the 13th - 12
Nightmare on Elm Street - 9
Halloween - 13
Saw - 10
Child’s Play - 8
Hellraiser - 11
Tremors - 7
Puppet Master - 15 (yeah, I was shocked by this one too!)
Why!? Why do they keep churning out these movies?
Yeah, I now—money. It’s not difficult to figure that out; if a franchise continues to make money, they’ll keep putting out the movies, no matter how terrible they get, no matter how cheap and loveless the final product is. I get it.
There is so much great material out there, so many original ideas that could be made into wonderful movies. But that stuff is largely ignored unless your name is Stephen King or Joe Hill.
So, for any of you movie producers out there, here are ten books that should be made into movies.
After Midnight by Richard Laymon is fucking wild. It’s hilarious and graphic and gets crazier by the page. It would make a really enjoyable movie.
Synopsis: When Alice’s friend Serena goes away she stays in her house, with its sunken bathtub and big-screen TV. Best of all is the outdoor swimming pool. But one night a stranger walks out of the woods and jumps naked into the pool. Alice hopes he won’t be coming to get her, like so many have done before.
I’ve said before, Modern Hysteria is Aron’s best work to date. It is so goddamn dark. A movie adaptation, if done right, would definitely be hard to watch. But that’s what we want sometimes!
Synopsis: A mysterious internet figure, known only as Mr. Boy, is preying on depressed teenagers and brainwashing them into horrific acts of self-harm and suicide. The macabre message behind ‘The Dropout Challenge’ is simple: Dropout of sight. Dropout of school. Dropout of society. Dropout of life altogether.
Derek Pearson is a struggling graphic novelist whose younger brother took his own life after becoming ensnared in The Dropout Challenge. Upon hitting rock bottom, Derek becomes obsessed with pulling back the curtain on the malevolent mastermind responsible for his brother’s gruesome demise.
Despite a lack of urgency from the authorities and his outrage regarding the tragedy, Derek has also discovered a strange positive trend in his artistic trajectory. For the first time in his life the story he’s telling through his illustrations is worth finishing. But with art imitating life, many questions still remain. Who decides how it ends? And has Derek become more fixated with crafting the perfect conclusion for his masterpiece than getting justice for his family?
Crows isn’t my favorite by Mark Towse—that would be 3:33—but it is the best suited for film. Think The Birds mixed with Midsommer.
Synopsis: Tapping at his window, perching atop his daughter's grave, why will the crow not let Patrick mourn in peace? According to superstition, a single crow is an omen of bad things to come, so why does Patrick feel compelled to leave his already broken life behind and follow his stubborn uninvited guest into the deep woods.
And what delights await?
In the Arctic Sun by Rowan Hill is a very creepy slow burn. I could see it being one of those movies that really puts the fear in you.
Synopsis: The trees of Alaska’s Arctic wilderness have always been Sarah’s sentries and her house, a fortress, isolated from society and an abusive marriage.
Until it isn’t.
The arrival of a new neighbor and an oil company drilling through primordial, cold earth changes the forest of her valley. It bleeds through the serenity and disrupts her home, her sanity. Plagued with insomnia from the midnight sun, Sarah increasingly suspects something is using her sanctuary to hide from the bright, incessant light. An insidious menace, ancient and beyond explanation, using the wilderness for cover. Her personal demon that cares nothing for Sarah or her mental health. Something that won’t stop until it takes it all.
Only Psychos is written perfectly for the movies. With multiple fucked up characters that converge in one location, it’s like a Guy Ritchie story written by Herschell Gordon Lewis.
Who will survive the storm?
It was a blizzard for the ages. Two, massive snow storms strike back-to-back, causing
chaos in the Hudson Valley.
Anna, and her two children, are without power and the temperature is plummeting. Their
situation seems bleak, but a break in the storm gives them a chance at salvation. Anna flees her
home, hoping to find safety in a local hotel, but what she finds is madness.
Scott is a man on the run. His travel partner, Mary, is the quiet type, but that doesn’t
bother Scott. The severed pinkie he keeps in his pocket is all the distraction he needs.
Jackie and Beau, two young lovers, and budding porn stars, have left their simple lives
for ones of adventure. On their wild trek across the states, a blizzard puts a damper on their
plans, forcing them into an old hotel. An old hotel with a violent and disturbing past.
The snow piles up and more guests continue to arrive…but who will see the morning?
Will the secrets in the basement remain hidden or will the years of torment be unleashed?
There are no normal guests at the Elk Dale Hotel…Only Psychos!
Guillermo del Toro needs to get this one done already.
Synopsis: On an expedition to Antarctica, Professor William Dyer and his colleagues discover the remains of ancient half-vegetable, half-animal lifeforms. The extremely early date in the geological strata is surprising because of the highly-evolved features found in these previously unknown life-forms.
Through a series of dark revelations, violent episodes, and misunderstandings, the group learns of Earth's secret history and legacy.
Kenzie’s Splatter Western is like if The Texas Chain Saw Massacre happened in the old west, with a great heroine leading the cast of characters. Perfect movie material.
Synopsis: There is a house overlooking the vast, rolling plains. A home station where a traveler will be welcomed with a piping hot meal and a downy bed.It is a refuge for the weary. A beacon for the lost.A place where blood and bones feed the land.For four stagecoach passengers......a doctor in search of a missing father and daughter......a newlywed couple on the way to their homestead......and a lady in red with a bag filled with secrets...Their night at the Station has only just begun.
Slashers always do great at the movies, and Reincarnage by Ryan Harding and Jason Taverner would be the ultimate slasher flick.
Synopsis: Eleven people awaken in an abandoned motel. Transported from all over the United States, they have no memory of the journey and no idea where they are or why anyone would take them. Then they find the blood…and the heads mounted on stakes.
IT’S NOT OVER.
Man, Uncanny Valley Days by C.J. Sampera would make a great movie. It definitely reads like one. Hollywood would probably want to change that title though.
Synopsis: Rocked by grief and recurring apparitions of her dead brother, Olivia is losing her grip on reality and may have inadvertently invoked a cybernetic, serial-killing slasher demon. Or is it all in her head?
Olivia Peramo is a writer and an artist at heart, barista by trade who struggles with multiple mental health issues. All of which have only been intensified by the recent loss of both her parents and her older brother Alejandro. And to top it off, she may have just inadvertently invoked an evil entity with one passive-aggressive rage tweet.
Soon enough, the people that cross Olivia start winding up dead, and she’s being made to watch each grisly murder as they unfold. Is she part of some elaborate hoax? Is this sinister force really breaking her reality and murdering innocent people? Or has Olivia completely lost it and started killing them herself? Not to mention, the ghost of her dead brother keeps popping up every time she smokes a little weed.
Hey, I gotta throw a little love my own way. Vampire Nuns Behind Bars was written to feel like an exploitation film of old, something you would see at the grindhouse theater, something produced by Roger Corman in the 70s. It’s bloody and sexy!
Synopsis: In a dystopian, cyberpunk future, a group of nuns are convicted of murder and sentenced to hard time at the Corman District Penitentiary. With the help of an undercover ally, an escape plan is in the works. But the deeds of a mad scientist and a sadistic warden won't make things easy. And the vampire problem doesn't help.
So, producers and directors and movie studios of the world, look beyond those tired, old franchises. Here are just ten books that should be movies. There are thousands more out there.
Upon reading this, I have immediately bought Vampire Nuns Behind Bars.
Another excellent post! I really enjoy your substack.
I really think Red Station has such a cinematic feel to it. I was practically reading that story like it was a movie.