It’s been awhile, my friends. Let me assure you, there is a reason for that. I won’t get into it now, however.
Over the weekend my wife and I attended Texas Frightmare Weekend, the best damn horror convention in the state, maybe in the country. I was a vendor at Frightmare and successfully sold a bunch of books, despite not being much of a salesman. While at the event, I picked up a few DVDs from small-time production companies in attendance.
The first DVD Petal and I attempted to watch upon our return from Frightmare was Dickshark. As promising as this title and the accompanying DVD cover were, we didn’t last fifteen minutes into that flick. I expected something on level with Troma and ended up with horribly filmed and edited softcore porn, featuring a rubbery shark-shaped dick and beyond terrible acting. I may try to give it a full watch at some point, but we gave it a pass last night.
What we ended up watching in lieu of Dickshark was Girl Next.
At Frightmare, we were set up right next to a production company called Crazed House. They were debuting a film at the show, which we were unable to attend, but they also had some movies available for purchase at their table. What I picked up was Girl Next, which can best be described as a fever dream of sex trafficking, torture, and drug use.
Despite not knowing what the fuck was going on for much of the film, I quite enjoyed it. It’s at times visually stunning in ways you expect well-crafted art films to be. There are numerous great gore scenes. There are multiple sex scenes, most of which star the endlessly attractive lead heroine Lorian (Lacey Cofran). And the acting was actually pretty damn good, with the exception of, in my opinion, Cofran, who seemed to be assigned that role because of her good looks rather than her acting prowess.
My main complaint about Girl Next would be that it got so bizarre that I had no clue what was going on for about 75% of the film. I understood at the beginning and I semi-understood at the end, when it makes an attempt to tie everything together. But I could see a lot of viewers walking away. Much of the film is dreamlike and hallucinatory, and you’re not sure if what you’re watching is actually happening or not. I’m fine with that to a certain extent. Hell, my novel Grandpappy is written in much the same fashion as this was filmed. But I also understand why people would not like it. I mean, did her ankle get drilled or not?! How the hell did she go running away if her ankle was drilled into?!
What kept us watching, I think, was the gore, nudity, and, above all, excellent acting. Marcus Jean Pirae as Heinrich is really fucking good. I’m honestly surprised I don’t know him from somewhere before. He could be a high-dollar leading man. Rachel Alig and Paula Marcenaro Salinger are also very good.
Larry Wade Carrell was the gentleman next to me at Texas Frightmare Weekend, whom I bought this movie from. It’s good. I kinda wish I’d gone to the premiere of The Quantum Devil, but I had a date with my wifey and I certainly don’t regret attending that instead.
PC3’s Horror and Exploitation Movie Scale of Awesomeness!
Gore - 7
Special Effects - 6
Nudity/Sexuality - 8
Wow Factor - 5
Acting - 7 (would’ve been better if not for the lead actress)
Fear Factor - 3
Story/Plot/Originality - 5 (kinda want to give more, but I was so confused)
Cinematography/Atmosphere - 5
Sound/Music - 4 (has that low budget audio at times)
Fun Factor - 7
So Girl Next gets a respectable 57 PHEMSA. High points for nudity, gore, and acting. Larry Wade Carrell gave me the novelization of this movie as well, so I’ll have to give it a read and see if it offers any clarity to the plot. For what it’s worth, I was drinking when I watched it and may have missed things I otherwise would not. If you’re wanting to give Girl Next a watch, you can find it on Tubi.