Have you heard of this one?
That’s a joke. Of course you have. I’m a little late getting around to it.
Originally, I held off watching it because I wanted to read the book first. However, I never got around to reading it (shame on me). I started watching it at some point in 2019, when it was still crazy popular, and switched it off about fifteen minutes in. I flicked it off because I found it dumb that Sandra Bullock, who is closer to sixty than fifty, was playing a pregnant woman. Before you go attacking me, yes, I realize some women still have children late in life. And, yes, I realize she was playing a younger woman. But the Hollywood makeover miracles failed to make her look like a young woman, which, even though I hadn’t read the book, I knew she was supposed to be. I know, I know, I’m being super picky. Or I was.
I finally watched it.
And I enjoyed it quite a lot.
There really is no need for me to explain the plot, I guess, because most of the world has already seen Bird Box. If you open your eyes outside, you’re fucked. That’s good enough. It’s suspenseful as hell, with great cinematography, and excellent acting. Bullock as Malorie was particularly good. I didn’t like her at first—I imagine most people didn’t—but she had my heart by the end. John Malkovich was great, as always. And Trevanta Rhodes, who I hadn’t heard of, was superb as Tom. Even the kids were good. Boy and Girl though? Come on. She should have given them names at some point in their first few years.
But I have one big issue with the movie. And, given the plot of Bird Box, it’s a big fucking issue. Why the hell were the blinds always open in the house? The big house where much of the movie was filmed—the blinds were always fucking open! I’m guessing the director, Susanne Bier, just figured the shots inside the house would look better with the blinds open . . . but it completely destroys the plot of the film! Everyone in that house, including Malorie, should be dead. There were blinds open every damn where! And I get that not every time someone sees outside they end up “infected” or whatever. I get that. But for the first few days of being in that house, there were no newspapers on the windows and the blinds remained open. They closed them in one scene, but in the next they were open. It’s silly. They should all be dead.
This is the second time I’ve reviewed Bird Box. The first time I was little too nice. It is definitely a good movie. It’s intense and the acting is superb. But the blinds issue really nags at me. Regardless if the shot was better with them open, they should have been closed.
I know a sequel has been written. Are they making it into a movie? If so, I could not find it on IMDB. I loved the ending of Bird Box and would prefer to not have a sequel ruin it. But no one listens to me.
PC3’s Horror and Exploitation Movie Scale of Awesomeness!
Gore – 4
Special Effects – 5
Nudity/Sexuality – 0
Wow Factor – 6
Acting – 9
Fear Factor – 6
Story/Plot/Originality – 6
Cinematography/Atmosphere – 7
Sound/Music – 6
Fun Factor – 5
Bird Box scored 54 on the PHEMSA. It’s a great but ultimately severely flawed film—because of one stupid decision. You can find it on Netflix.